It was actually John Major that coined this phrase to try and spin his way out of a worsening political situation of economic recession. But in many respects, I can sympathise with his sentiments in so far as they reflect the current state of my training and racing. Let me explain.

In November 2005 and January 2007, I underwent two operations at the Moorfields eye hospital, firstly to correct a potentially serious detached retina and secondly, to remove a cataract in the affected eye. Both operations were successful and although I effectively lost about three months of training around the time of each operation, it would be fair to say that I had made a complete recovery by the start of the 2007 season. Naturally, I had lost a great deal of fitness and conditioning and piled on a quite a few unnecessary pounds but a bit of hard work would soon put that right. Well, that’s what I thought at the time. But the unfortunate truth is that since that setback, I have never hit the training and racing levels that I was achieving in my best season of 2004 when, with one exception, I podiumed (is there such a word?) in every age group race I entered. To coin a phrase, I have somehow lost my mojo and would very much like it back!

OK, to be fair, the last two years have been spectacularly busy for me at work and even with my mojo intact, the chances are that I would have been unable to train as hard and as consistently as I had been used to in the past. But to be still averaging only about three or four hours of training a week is a poor state of affairs given that I am injury free and could easily find 10-12 hours a week for training if only the motivation was there. The truth of the matter is that there are just too many days when it is easier, after a hard day’s work, to sit down and crash out in front of the television or computer. The irony is that these days, I spend more time reading about and writing about triathlon than I do training or racing! Deep down, I still want to compete and I truly believe that I have the potential to achieve much in the sport so retirement or semi-retirement is no part of my agenda at the moment.

So what does the immediate future hold? Well, after a series of spectacularly average results over the sprint distance, in a few days time, I will be lining up with a few thousand like-minded souls to test my mettle over the Nokia Windsor standard distance course. I am as unprepared for this race as any I care to remember and realistically, I should be looking at a personal worst finish. Windsor is not known as a fast course and in six attempts, I have never managed to crack the 2:20 barrier, though I did come close in 1992 when I missed it by just six seconds! Given results so far this year and the missed training, I will be very lucky indeed to get under 2:30, in fact, something in the region of 2:38 is more likely. But amongst all this gloom and down, I mustn’t forget those green shoots of recovery that I mentioned at the outset.

Swim

My trips to the pool this year have been very infrequent but since the end of April, I have managed at least one open water session each week. But it was only two weeks ago that I managed to complete my first 1500m swim of the year in a time of 28 minutes and 21 seconds. Given the rough and tumble of the Windsor 'washing-machine' start and the upstream current [Ed: he means swimming upstream against the current...], I started to think of a swim time of about 30 minutes. But on Saturday, in trying out my new Foor 2008 synflex wetsuit, I got my 1500m time down to 26 minutes 49 seconds. Suddenly, a 28 minute swim at Windsor was not out of the question. As far as the swim is concerned, I am therefore approaching Windsor with a reasonable degree of confidence.

Bike

My bike training is legend. In the past two years, I have completed two, yes two, road sessions. I still manage about 100 miles a week, but this is in the comfort of my TV/PC/DVD/VHS equipped garage, sat astride my turbo trainer. This will never turn me into a Stormin’ Norman, but it does get me round most courses in a reasonable time. This year’s racing conditions have been pretty dire to say the least, but on the one occasion when the weather was half decent, I put in a good bike split, due more perhaps to my mode of transport rather than any new found fitness. This year, I am racing on a Van Nicholas titanium bike with a Zipp 900 rear disk and 60mm deep rim front wheel. If you can’t post a reasonable time on that sort of kit, then you might as well pack up and retire, so I’ll be praying to the triathlon gods for some calm and bike-friendly weather on Sunday to get the most out of my Van Nicholas. At my best, I could complete the 42km bike leg in a shade under 72 minutes, but this year, I’ll be happy with anything under 75 minutes. With luck, I would hope to leave T2 in around the 1:45 mark, leaving 45 minutes for that final 10km run.

Run

This is where it could all start to go pear-shaped. The sensible race strategy would be to have a good swim followed by a measured and steady bike, to leave something in the legs for those three climbs past the castle, but how long do these plans last once the starting gun fires? Not long in my experience! The chances are that I will go harder on the bike than planned and then suffer on the run. I once managed a 39 minute run at Windsor but on the other five occasions, my times varied between 40 and 42 minutes. This year, I am about two or three minutes slower over 5km, so at best, I think I am looking at a 45 minute run split. I am, however, preparing myself for something closer to 50 minutes, particularly if I have given everything on the swim and bike.

Finish

Given where my fitness levels are at the moment, crossing the finish line in anything under 2:30 would be like beating 2:20 back in the good old days. Realistically though, I am expecting to finish in about 2:38s. Anything over 2:45 would be disappointing though it might be just another kick up the backside that I need to take my training and racing to the next higher level.

Bob’s top Windsor tips

On registration day, take the time to inspect the river and check how strong the current is. This will be against you for the majority of the swim distance so getting this right, and the path you take, will be vital. The traditional view is to cut sharp right at the start and head for the far bank which you then hug all the way upstream. This is certainly recommended when the current is strong, but when the river is calm, think about swimming the shortest possible distance by cutting off the apex of each corner and swimming more towards the middle of the river both upstream and downstream.

And, while you are down at riverside, walk over to the finish area and make a mental note of the boat (if there is one!) that is moored at the turn in point. This is easily missed and having some object to identify where you need to turn sharp right could make all the difference.

Finally, although it’s very much a personal call, given the long run into transition from the swim exit, I prefer to find a quiet spot immediately after I leave the swim and take off my wetsuit there, and carry it the rest of the way.